a comparison

I was re-reading a couple of older posts the other day, and I came across one post I wrote almost a year ago, after I found out I didn't get accepted to any internships. I basically just talked about my alternate plans for the next year. Let's recap how those plans/goals went:

Plan: Get a job that will give me good experience to help beef up my resume.
What actually happened: I applied all over the place, had several interviews, and never got a job.

Plan: Save money, instead of spending a ton of money on internship.
What actually happened: We probably didn't spend as much money as we would have if I'd done an internship, but exorbitantly high insurance premiums with maternity coverage and all these extra doctor visits, in addition to me not ever finding a job, means we're not exactly saving hoards of money ya know?

Plan: Apply to an internship for the next year.
What actually happened: Well the application deadline passed and I haven't applied... I'm planning on waiting another year to apply. It just works out better that way, I promise. Although since my resume hasn't really changed too much from last year, I don't know if the outcome will be any different. Didn't someone say that the definition of insanity is doing the same things and expecting different results? Well, let's just pray for a miracle. :)

Plan: Trip to France
What actually happened: Ok in all honesty, what I didn't say in the post last year was that we had sort of started thinking "hm should we have a baby" and tossing the idea around a little bit, and it was either we'd have a baby, or we'd go on a vacation (although this was still under the I'd-be-making-money assumption). Soooo we're having a baby! And that fantastically amazing vacation will just have to wait.

You know though, I wouldn't have chosen exactly the way this past year has gone, but it's still been okay. I'm incredibly thankful that my husband has never made me feel in any way like I've become more of a liability or an expense, or that I'm not contributing anything (something I worried about a lot). We've been incredibly blessed to somehow have enough money for our needs... and to a small degree, our wants too. To be honest, the first several months of pregnancy I was only excited about having a baby maybe 50% of the time, and the other 50% I was nervous, scared, apprehensive and basically really freaked out about being able to be a good mom and feeling fulfilled doing it. It sounds dumb, I know, but there you go. Now, I'm really excited and know that it will be great. And, as this has been my first real experience with failing to achieve my goals on my timeline no matter how hard I worked or tried, I feel like I've developed a lot more empathy for other people too. I feel like I've learned to readjust and make the best out of things more as well. And that's my story and I'm sticking to it!